You are beautifully and wonderfully made.
Just so you know, just in case you forgot. If you feel like your language doesn't match anyone else's. If you are better friends with your therapist than your roommate.
Don't forget, He hears you.
In conversations with people, I have figured out fairly well how to read how the conversation is going. One little note I have realized is that people are great listeners, and will react quite well to any sort of news that seems kind of.. ehm.. sticky... if you have a nice bow to wrap around it at the end.
Like, once upon a time, I was a drug addict. I was lost then, but now, I am completely clean and want to devote my life to becoming the preschool teacher I can be. *cue applause and hallelujahs*. Or, last semester I did really badly in my classes. I was all over the place and ended up getting a D in calculus. But NOW I was bitten by a radioactive spider, and not only got Peter Parker's spidey sense, but also his remarkable intelligence.
Love appears to be unconditional sometimes, but the truth of the matter is, it's just so hard for people to see beyond themselves. Even if I struggle to combat the judgement that threatens to capture my psyche, sometimes it's just too strong, and I've already commit the 22nd selfish act of the day.
This is not all about how I think I walk around with a giant plank in my eye most of the time. I think a lot of it comes from, yeah thanks for listening, but what about that huge plank in yours??
Sometimes I feel as if I'm an example for what not to do, like only the "Before" picture of grace, like there's sticky notes that decorate my forehead, arms, torso. They read: "stuck up, lazy, inconsiderate, insecure, impatient, foolish, brash"
And anyone is more than willing to walk up and take off one of those sticky notes. They're more than willing to smile sweetly and say, "This was you before, but now I'm pointing out to you that you have this, so you won't do it ever again." It's then crumbled in their fingers and free from you forever. We then hug in good Christian love and my halo is back in it's rightful place.
The problem here is, sometimes the sticky note just... stays.
Sometimes, combating selfish attitudes and sin isn't just as easy as realizing it. There is a reason we practice things. Say it's like, if someone walks up to me on a basketball court and says, "Anna, you didn't make that 3 pt. shot. You're welcome." Then I would attempt another shot, and of course, miss. As if they came around again in frustration."Why are you still not making that shot when I just told you that you were missing it?"
Acknowledgement does not equal mastery. Sin is a struggle. To overcome takes time. Just because you've taken eight personality tests and they all point out the same problems doesn't mean that you should be expected to wake up differently the next day.
I apologize is this has become sort of a rant. I just wanted you to know, and myself to know, that it's okay.
Especially for those of us in a Christian context where honesty and DTRs are valued above all else in relationships. Yes, honesty is good, yes, transparency and vulnerability are great avenues for hearts to move closer together. However, you have a beautiful, beautiful heart, and it deserves to be handled with care.
There's junk in all of ours, but please, let's not let anyone make us feel like the junk part is by any means prominent. Jesus has saved us from unrighteousness, and sees us as whole before him.
All I know is that I want to look into the mirror and know that I have a soul that's cherished by the Lord. That he sees me and delights in me. That he enjoys being together.
I don't know where you are, but don't forget to remember that. And please, maybe instead of trying to take people's sticky notes for them, just tell them that they're beautifully and wonderfully made.
